Three breast cancer survivors tell “What I learned about myself”

Gari Julius Weilbacher, Marie Valenta, and Esther Hughes all have had breast cancer. Each woman’s experience is unique. Yet they have learned remarkably similar lessons: the importance of participating actively in healthcare decisions; accepting help from friends and family; and pursuing dreams now rather than later.

GARI JULIUS WEILBACHER
Gari was diagnosed five years ago at age 45. Happily married, she worked in public affairs for a rabbinical college near Philadelphia. Her daughters were 8 and 11 when routine mammograms found calcifications in her breasts. A biopsy confirmed cancer—at an early stage.

Following a lumpectomy, Gari underwent seven weeks of radiation. She tolerated the therapy with few side effects, praying her way through four treatments a day, five days a week. That was followed by five years on tamoxifen.

Today Gari feels lucky. She knows she dodged a bullet, and she has learned not to listen to those who seem to minimize her experience by sharing cancer horror stories. “When you have cancer,” she says, “you understand that the quality of your life is related to what you do every day.”

Accordingly, she returned to school and established a business as a life coach while working at the college part-time. “I no longer need the rush of roller coaster rides,” she says, smiling. “And I’m taking better care of myself.”

MARIE VALENTA
Marie was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000. She underwent a mastectomy and then chemo. Because cancer was found in her lymph nodes, she also needed radiation, then hormone therapy.

Happily single, Marie had left her family on the East Coast to take a job in human resources in California. Her church community there became her new family, driving her to and from treatment, preparing her meals, even taking out her trash.

After taking time off to fight her cancer, Marie returned to work and resumed her active lifestyle, doing aerobics, biking, even ice skating—until she experienced intense pain in an ankle. Doctors insisted it was just an injury. Only her persistence got them to order MRI imaging, which showed cancer had spread to her bones. Radiation took care of the pain; now she is undergoing chemo and taking medication to rebuild her bones.

“I’ve learned you have to be pro-active about your health,” Marie says. She goes out to dinner and movies, travels, and attends church. “Cancer hasn’t stopped me from enjoying my life,” she says.

ESTHER HUGHES
I’ve always felt there were worse things than cancer,” says Esther, 42, who lives in Pennsylvania. Her cancer was discovered six years ago. One night she awoke from a dream with her hand on a lump on her breast. She immediately made appointments with her primary care physician and her gynecologist. After mammography and ultrasound, a surgeon said it was nothing. But the dream prompted her to ask for a biopsy.

With cancer confirmed, she had a mastectomy, then eight rounds of chemo. A former legal secretary, Esther was caring full-time for her three young kids. Some days changing diapers was all she could manage. She was grateful for her friends, who brought meals, baby-sat her children, or cleaned her house; for her family; her church; and especially for what she is convinced was God’s hand on her breast.

“I’ve become more compassionate toward others, and I have a new perspective on what’s important in life,” Esther says. “I’d always wanted to write. Now that the kids are in school, I’ve become a writer and inspirational speaker. And I love what I do.”